Prepare for Marriage

This past November, Joe and I celebrated our 6 year anniversary and for the most part, we've always felt like we already know everything there is to know about each other. What else is there to know? I know the look he gets when he's day dreaming in the car. I can tell exactly what he ate from the smell of his poo. And from the slightest change in the tone of his voice, I can tell if he's lied to me about something.

So as most brides, I've focused mainly on what needs to be done for the big day and little time getting to know my husband to be.

It was no surprise that I waited until the last minute to figure out how we would meet our Pre-Cana requirement to be married in the Catholic Church. We figured that with Joe's work schedule, it would be nearly impossible to make multiple trips to meet with our priest. Engaged Encounter weekend was our only option. Engaged Encounter is basically Pre-Cana compressed in one weekend. It's a retreat where you and your fiance discuss topics that really should be discussed before committing to a lifelong partnership. Topics range from how you will handle money as a married couple (by the way this is the #1reason people divorce!) to better communication skills. It's therapy - sponsored by the Catholic Church.

None of the topics discussed during the weekend were new to us. The main difference was that our conversations about them in the past were in passing. Typically, we would be faced with some challenge - money for example - of how we would split a certain expense - and that's when we'd talk about how we should handle money going forward. The Engaged Encounter setting forces you to talk about these topics and nothing else. There's not television in the background...there isn't someplace else you need to be.

Aside from committing the time to get to know each other better, the biggest benefit we got out of this was our general attitude toward our "trigger points". You know, the things that really irk people about each other. After a certain amount of years together, there are certain words or sentences...innocent as they may be...that could trigger crazy amounts of irritation. For Joe, it's probably my almost nightly request for a glass of water when he's already tucked himself comfortably in bed...and for me, it's the tone of his voice when I call him at work (because a customer pissed him off and I'm on the receiving end of the frustration). So back to what we learned about this (also applicable to alot of other situation), was surprisingly simple - "Decide to love".

{commence puking and sarcastic remarks from the audience}

Yes, the answer is simply to decide to love. Getting ready to get that last word in an argument and really stick it to them by bringing back some old issue? Decide to love instead and keep your mouth shut. Let the laundry sit there because you don't really care if it's folded or not? Decide to love instead and just fold the damn pile because you know that for some odd reason, it makes him crazy happy that you would.

We decide our emotions. We decide our actions.

Decide to love.

Wedding planning can be crazy. Almost every weekend on our calendars are already spoken for. But you have to set aside some time to prepare for marriage. For us, we sacrificed an already planned family vacation because it was literally the only weekend we could go. It was worth every penny ($350 for the weekend including meals for the both of us) and for you non-Catholic folks, you don't even have to be Catholic to go.

This is probably going to be the cheapest thing you'll spend in preparation for the wedding...but it's going to be the most worth while.